December 2023, I was in the courtyard of my dormitory around 12 am messing around on my guitar when the initial guitar riff spilled out. I was finishing my first semester of college and Jujube hadn't even been formed yet. At the same time, I had just lost my grandma which caused me a lot of grief and my life felt incredibly claustrophobic. The only moments in my day where I could sort of regain my sense of self was staying up till 12 or 3 am with my guitar in these dingy study rooms or courtyards in my dorm's building. I would gently fiddle around with new ideas, and no one would be up to hear it at these late hours either, so I finally got a sense of isolation. It was really important to me that people didn't hear me because I was so self-conscious about my singing and playing abilities. If someone walked by, I immediately stopped playing and pulled out my phone to pretend like I was looking for something to play. Jujube definitely helped ease that insecurity. 

I was inspired by the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack during this time period, specifically the track that plays during the opening scene. They're shots of the barren Midwest in the early hours of the morning, and it's very serene. In Benson, if you strip it down to just that guitar riff, it feels like that calm, open plain...but in my case, it was a college dorm's outdoor area with puke stains on the floor! Another inspiration was Blackbird by The Beatles. The moment I picked up guitar, that was a song I wanted to be able to play, and I was able to accomplish that finally in one of the study rooms I would frequent. I just wanted a finger picked song similar to Blackbird that made sense and didn't feel like a blatant copy. 2 years later and I'm fully obsessed with Paul McCartney and The Beatles (who would have thought). 

For a while, I just had the guitar part and some semblance of a main melody, but no lyrics. Still, I felt proud that I was able to make and I knew I took a step up as a musician. I think finalizing this song was what pushed me to finally form a band, a dream of mine ever since I started playing music. I couldn't be more happy with the results. 

The lyrics were initially inspired by a what if scenario surrounding the TV show Doctor Who. Escapism is a theme I futz with a lot because it's all I think about is, "There's somewhere better than here." The what if was what would it be like if I went on an adventure with a time traveler and saw a bunch of cool historical events? I ended up scrapping the idea because it felt extremely embarrassing to explain that concept to a freshly made band of people I hardly knew. I eventually turned it into an adventure with your childhood toys. The adventure of growing up and how you can always return to those same toys regardless of how old you are. Nothing is too childish if it makes you happy. The song is named after a stuffed bear I have who I imagine to be a farmer. He's the same bear on the cover.

- Elise

:)

​11/17/2025 

This is a strange song lyric-wise. You're getting strange imagery with an orange cup splashing in your face and drinking bad gas station milk that gives you bubble guts. Who the hell wants to listen to a song about that? It shouldn't be a pleasing song, but it's the underlying message that rings true for us and what makes it. It's a song about growing up--a consistent theme you'll find in our music--and navigating mistakes without prior guidance. The lyric "It's hard to be my age" is saying, "I've never been this age before, how does anyone know what they're doing? How do they learn?"

The orange cup, specifically, was always something I never mastered as a kid, like those plastic cups with mandarins in them. My mom would pack them in my lunch, and, being young with stubby hands, I would open them too quickly, and the juice would get all over my face. That initial memory inspired this song. The first stanza is from the perspective of a child who thinks life is so hard because, in their mind, spilled milk or not getting their way were the hardest struggles they've encountered. Then you grow up and you realize you had it easy. From dealing with your car breaking down in the most inconvenient moments to the grief of losing a loved one, life is always going to be hard at any age. It's hard to be my age.

- Elise 

:)