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“life be like ):(:( and that’s ok.” that’s what the first image in bassvictim’s spotify bio says, and they have a few other fairly profound quotes littered throughout their bio (for example, another is “take a chill pill listen to some bass or something.), but this one is probably the most relevant to this song. the wavering between believing in yourself and believing in a higher being is something i consistently struggle with. i was expected to be catholic when i was a kid, and my grandma made me attend bible school as an ADHD-diagnosed elementary schooler, at a time in my life when i could barely sit still in class topics i was actually interested in. it went about the way you’d expect, and they kicked me out of the group study after a few weeks and placed me into one-on-one study, to which i don’t remember much except polishing shoes one time (i don’t remember if it was something i enjoyed doing or if it was a punishment), or maybe it was twice. i don’t believe in god anymore because when you suffer and everyone else suffers so much around you and even not around you when they’re 3,000 miles from you, how could you? do you know what i’m talking about? does that make sense? i think it’s nice that people have something to believe in though. one of my friends who i learned python with a little while ago is devoutly christian, and she has a lot of wisdom and optimism on problems, more than i have for the most part (at least in terms of optimism). one time, i told her about one of the screenplays i was working on which involved someone trying to convince someone else to sacrifice him to satan, for whatever reason (maybe i’ll elaborate on it some other time), but she wasn’t a very big fan of it and it made me sad that she couldn’t take herself out of her christian shoes for a moment and look at it from a creative perspective. i’m not a christian, but i’m also not a satanist. she accused me of promoting violence, but really i was trying to portray the desensitization towards it, but whatever. visionaries are usually misunderstood (i’m not a visionary). anyways, sometimes, at my weakest moments, when i sit in my car without starting it (because i don’t have the means to waste gas for heat (especially now because gas is so expensive)) so that i can lament for a little bit, i’ll talk to god, but it’s a one-sided conversation, if you could consider it a conversation at all. i’m mostly yelling at him and cursing him out, but it makes me feel good at the end of everything, so maybe prayer’s worth that’s at the very least. so the title here is relevant, because sometimes i believe in myself, in my own capabilities, and my abilities to get me to one of the greatest places in the world (though it’s debatable nowadays), and i don’t need a god to yell at but then sometimes i believe in god, just so that i can yell at him for a little while. it’s nice. i wonder if this is a loophole of any sorts that will eventually get me into heaven. i hope not. anyways, the sample in this song is fire and it’s something for me to yell in polish when i’m playing it (though i don’t know any polish whatsoever (i think i knew someone who was polish one time though; maybe my pediatrician? (no, i think she was russian but i could be wrong? i don’t know))) and the drops are so fucking cathartic. this is definitely one of the songs i’m gonna be playing on my tower speakers whenever i go home. i don’t know when that is yet. i’ll find out eventually. thanks.