M.I.L.E.S. (Man I Love Elliott Smith)

One of the most overlooked tracks on Either/Or stands as a stark contrast to the rest of the tracks harmonically. This song, unlike the other tracks, utilizes many dissonant clashes between chord changes. It envelopes a feeling of something that is lost - an anxiety that does not rest. As the guitar starts the song, Smith whispers his first verse: “Got bitten fingernails and a head full of the past And everybody's gone at last Sweet, sweet smile that's fading fast 'Cause everybody's gone at last Don't get upset about it, no, not anymore There's nothing wrong that wasn't wrong before Had a second alone with a chance let pass And everybody's gone at last.” (Smith “No Name No.5”) The first verse references “bitten fingernails” and a “head full of the past”; these objects are a metaphor for anxiety (Smith “No Name No.5”). Smith is lyrically continuing the anxious feeling brought by the harmony of the chords. The verse continues on: “sweet smile that’s fading fast / ’Cause everybody’s gone at last” (Smith “No Name No.5”). While Smith is reminiscing of the past, his anxiety seems to be driven by thoughts of people leaving, evident by how his “sweet smile” fades due to everyone leaving (“No Name No.5”). But this scene can be read alternatively if we shift perspective. Kierkegaard’s midnight hour references the masks people wear to blend into society: “Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour when every one has to throw off his mask? Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked? Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it? I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;... In every man there is something which to a certain degree prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself; and this may be the case in so high a degree, he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself. But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all” (146). Perhaps the “sweet smile” is the mask Smith wears around his peers (“No Name No.5”). If we consider the anxieties held by Smith in the beginning of the verse, it can be read that the smile he holds covers the anxieties that flutter around his head. The smile fades because everyone is “gone at last” (Smith “No Name No.5”). The “at last” part of the line means that the smile is an act that he holds around others, but he truly holds an indifference, or rather a depression that manifests fully when he is truly alone. The midnight hour has come: in a Kierkegaardian sense, “No Name No.5” represents the mask slipping away. Furthermore, “at last” also means a relief that comes with his mask dropping. Social connection is an exhaustive task for Smith in which he forces a smile to prolong it. The song is formed in two verses: the first, a somber opening crashing an anxious wave with the opening chord; the second, a more upbeat and more heavily produced development of the first with the same harmonic undertones. The first verse shows the dropping of the mask, and the anxiety holding the mask creates. The second verse gives an insight to Smith’s truth in regard to social connections: “I hope you're not waiting, waiting 'round for me 'Cause I'm not going anywhere, obviously Got a broken heart and your name on my cast And everybody's gone at last Everybody's gone at last” (Smith “No Name No.5”) The verse creates an inexplicable distance: “I hope you're not waiting, waiting ‘round for me” (Smith “No Name No.5”). This line serves as a wall Smith creates between his past relationship. Perhaps it was the anxiety he covered with his ‘mask’ in the first verse. Even though this wall has been built, Smith is quick to note that “[he’s] not going anywhere, obviously” - meaning Smith has not grown past his breakup (“No Name No.5”). He affirms that he is still attached to the relationship with his” broken heart and [her] name on [Smith’s] cast”. However he still finds solace in his solitude as the song concludes “[e]verybody's gone at last “. It is clear past relations dwell heavy on Smith’s mind, but he has this inexplicable need to find solitude. This need is a product of the aesthetic life, the life which Smith is painfully aware he leads. Smith has accepted the fact that he cannot be in a relationship due to his fear of commitment. The refusal of relationship is kierkegaardian, as the aesthete finds themselves alone in their despair at the end of the road.